Earlier this week, I received a phone call from a friend about his grandson with the same limb-difference as myself, who had some questions on how he can further assist in the growth and development of his young grandson both mentally and physically.
A lot of the questions I receive about mentality are usually from mothers and the physical questions come from fathers with regards to the prospects of competitive sports, understandably. While sharing my knowledge on how I grew up developing strength in my club hand and trying to keep it as strong as my left arm, which was always a challenge due to the lack of thumb and ability to grip efficiently.
One thing I always did, unknowingly, was use my left hand way more than my right in the simple factor that I had unconsciously adapted to doing so. This naturally made my left naturally stronger than my club hand. Simple tasks I did growing up were carrying the shopping, which helped develop strength in the forearm, acting as ‘farmer walk’ exercises or carrying school bags on it to and from class.
What I’ve continued still do to this day to tackle that difference is push-ups with an elevated surface, such as a weighted plate with a mat on to make up the distance between my two hands and allow me to work on muscle symmetry.
Old habits do die hard, unfortunately, and prompts to remember to use my right hand still happen to this day, especially when sparring. I’d throw a million-shot combinations with my left arm and be instructed to use my right hand that was ready all along.
Another was prominently holding my right shoulder up higher than the left, leaving it in a tensed state. This was something my father would pick up on constantly and ensure I released it into a relaxed state, as holding it that way for a long time will only create a tension and can develop muscular problems once the habit has become set and left unaddressed. Attached to that is my Klippel-Feil syndrome in my neck, which would only add to further seizing of the joint had I held it up higher longer.
Unsurprisingly, this is a common occurrence in limb-different children but something that goes unnoticed from many parents until it had been discussed, but one that should definitely be looked out for.
One thing in this week’s phone call that happened was several questions and some coming from a place of stress and overthinking. Naturally, we are in a very stressful time and assisting kids in any form is more unorthodox than ever. I’ve spoken about it many times, but sometimes you just cannot aid and assist in helping your kid’s adaptation to something.
For years, my parents would try to help me tie my laces, feel they were making gains and then when the loopy lace would come to it, we would all sit there stumped. This would stress any parent out not being able to do so, but just because you cannot assist in this area, it doesn’t mean your kid won’t figure it out for themselves. It wasn’t until I was 21 in America that a child helped me figure out my method.
I’ve seen it and heard it for myself; parents saying they’ll give it time and figure it out, only for their kid to tackle it all on their own and find their own solution. Which, sometimes, is just what was necessary. Those obstacles come into place for a reason and teach us all lessons in their own unique way.
The final message I told this grandparent is: don’t fret! Relax. You’re not going to find an answer to all their problems and that’s completely normal and healthy to recognise. This put my friend at ease and it’s important you know this, too. Your kid is more determined than you expected. The confidence formed from ticking boxes is priceless. Each building block is a step forward to becoming a better, stronger person. In our world and especially in our bodies, you need thick skin and if you can help your kid enforce that skin and mindset, they’ll be better for it. Help where you can and allow them time to figure themselves out.
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