Earlier this month, I launched one of my usually curious ‘Ask Me Anything’s on Instagram. Amongst those questions, I was asked one in particular that I found hard to answer and always do when these kinds come my way. A timely question for this month’s annual Limb-Difference Awareness campaign.
It asked: What is the biggest challenge you consider having living with limb-difference in this society?
That’s a deep-rooted question. One I felt I could go many a way with. Nonetheless it was one I wasn’t quick to answer and one that needed time to brew over, time to assess. It wasn’t something I ever put in the box of ‘living with.’ It’s just me. It’s just what I have and it’s all I ever will and all I’ve ever known. After some time thinking it over, I narrowed it down to these few points:
Constant adaptation
As someone who doesn’t like standing still and prefers to get stuck in with something and try new things, constant adaptation always comes my way in every walk. For years, adapting is something I continued to tackle through every facet in MMA; its wrestling, grappling and striking dynamics. Everything takes time. You’ll know by now I wasn’t even able to tie my shoelaces until I was twenty-one!
The constant adaptation is just something you become subconsciously used to. It is always there, lurking its challenging head at you. It’s always easy to handle, but it definitely creates a better version of yourself whether you beat it quickly or tackle it over time. It is simply a part of life and something you must get used to.
The stares & the looks
This is a topic I’ve covered in earlier columns, but the stares always take a lot of time and many years to get used to. Growing up, you’re subjected to it a lot and as I’ve mentioned before, I would go out of my way to hide my arm a lot, whether it be behind my back, tucked into a pocket or even hid inside a long-sleeve shirt for the most part. I was very conscious of my hand until I was seventeen years of age. The longer you hide it, I discovered, the harder it gets to be open about it.
It is only when you accept your difference, that it is is part of you and that it isn’t going to change – that’s when you feel the confidence. The fact is some people are always going to look curiously, some not so positively, and that is just how it goes. A difference may be becoming normalised but it isn’t something people see every day. It’s unique, so people look. It doesn’t mean you should shy away, though. Why should you? Why should you have to hide your difference? Why should you have to feel conscious about it? Let it out. Accept it. It’s you!
The why me’s
The ‘Why Me’s aren’t easy and they do feel like lonely moments. These come when tasks mount up, when challenges seem too large to conquer. It’s been a while since my last ‘Why Me.’ My last ones are always upon meeting physical demands. The last time I had one I lashed out over carrying a kettlebell and the strain in which it was putting on my hand, my fingers and the burn in my tendons. A simple task for many, but not so much for myself.
It will rear its ugly head every so often, but it is and should only be for mere moments as you cannot let it win or excuse you from thriving past it. As long as you recognise that, you’ll be okay.
Insecurities
Insecurities are as common as anything for everybody. Insecurities are a part of being human. We all have our likes and dislikes about many things as well as ourselves. Whether it’s our hair, our glasses, our height – or all. None of us here are perfect and its better in the long run to accept that sooner than later.
Whenever I’m doing speeches in schools, these are the kind of chat and topics covered, so it’s important to address these societal components. As another Limb-Difference Awareness campaign comes to a close for the month of April, it’s always enjoyable being able to educate and spread lessons around to create a better sense of community and what we can do for one another – and seeing what others have learned, also.
Remember: Once you truly begin to accept your own difference, the rest will follow.
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